Rediscovering Yoga� Again

I've had my AM and PM Yoga tapes for probably a couple years now, but I haven't done them more than ten times� put together. I always like it so much when I do it, but somehow, I have never been able to stick with it. No matter how great it makes me feel or how easy it is to fit 20 minutes into my day, I don't do it. Most of the time, I just don't think of it at all. When I do though, I have a million excuses as to why I can't do it then.

My main excuse, no matter how I slice it, is I'm lazy. I don't want to pry myself away from the television or the couch or that book or this computer or a million other things that suddenly become urgent or important. Then I have a whole lot of backup excuses, like "I just ate," or "I'm menstruating," both of which are specifically listed as things not to do at the very beginning of the tape. Well, the menstruating part just says not to do any of the inverted poses like downward facing dog. But that's much too much of a pain in the ass for me, so I don't do it at all. More backup laziness factors are not wanting to deal with the mat, having the floor be too dirty to lie on (even with a mat), not wanting to change clothes so my pants don't saw me in half, and on top of the list, not wanting to do it in front of John.

I Tae-Bo in front of John, no problem. I have done other types of exercise videos in front of John too. Those tapes are all exercise-y and tough, so he won't mess with me then. He knows I could wipe up the sweat-laden floor with him if he tried to mess with me. I don't enjoy working out in front of him, but I'll do it rather than skip a day.

With the yoga, I don't feel that sense of responsibility, or more importantly, confidence. A) I'm bad. I wobble all over the place, almost fall over and look like a general idiot right now. The instructor is moving onto the next thing by the time I'm finally steady enough and in position. When I do yoga, it's not graceful or beautiful in any way. It's like a lesson in how many horrible ways I can display my fat rolls. In so many other areas of my life, I do have some sort of grace, but not here. Yoga doesn't make me feel like I can kick ass. It kicks my ass. B) Speaking of ass-kicking, it's kind of a sissy exercise. Now if I were doing Power Yoga or something, maybe I would feel a little more confident, but I'm not even close to mastering the simple, vanilla AM and PM Yoga tapes. There is no way I can step up to the more manly Power Yoga. But even Power Yoga doesn't look very tough as far as a sports-loving, rock-n-roll-playing man is concerned. Even if I were grace in yoga pants, John would still have to choke down the snickers. And it's hard to look tough when your ass is high up in the air.

Hey, wait a minute� he might like yoga after all.

Needless to say, all this talk of yoga is because I finally started doing it again last night while John was away to band practice. Instead of going to sleep like my body was telling me to do, I thought, "I could do a yoga tape!" Why that thought suddenly sprung into my head, I don't know. Maybe I was touched by the yoga gods. Whatever the reason, John wasn't home, and I was in the mood without the usual excuses. I did the PM tape, and I felt great. I did the AM tape this morning, and I'm telling myself I will continue with this if it kills me. So I guess I'll just have to wait and see what John thinks of that downward facing dog, though sex is the last thing on my mind while I'm gritting my way through that pose.

I have been feeling really restless is probably the main reason my yoga tapes came to mind. Not being able to exercise has been hard on me. I'm doing very well with my permanent dietary changes (no "diets" for me!), and I really wish I had the added benefit of exercise. I truly believe that's the key to being healthier. I have a marathon relay to run in May too! I get my heart tests today, so hopefully I'll get the green light to do more than yoga. I really want to start running again. I think I'll stay with the yoga though, at least a couple times a week. It's been two years after all, and I don't think I've gotten my money's worth out of those tapes yet.