Have I totally sucked this month? Oh yes, I have! Good Lord, I've had problems with the writing thing. And it's not like I've even been writing in my personal journal or paper journal or even my fitness journal. I'm skipping writing all over the place. I tried writing Monday and Tuesday of this week, Friday of last week, but nothing really came out. In fact, yesterday, I only got out a sentence. One measly sentence. It's ridiculous.

I'm someone that never finds herself at a loss for words. I'm one of those people you don't want to get in a conversation. I take after my grandma a little too much in some respects, and talking is one of them. Though I will never compete with my grandma's level of chattiness, I have obviously inherited more than my share of talkativeness. Ask me a question about myself, my kids, my hobbies, whatever, and I will bore you to tears with details. Hell, I've been doing it here for a year and a half. I really thought I would never be one of those journalists who goes on hiatus or takes a break or just disappears, yet I'm coming painfully close.

It's not that I have a problem with someone taking a break from writing or giving it up altogether. I think that's just fine. I don't even have a problem when someone drops off the face of the earth, never to return and offer an explanation. I figure other people's lives are their business. It might make me sad to see someone go, and I might worry about that person or miss him a lot, but whatever drives those people to quit is up to them to share or not.

No, I'm not quitting. I'm not even taking a break. No worries there.

I do find myself at a rare loss for words. It's not that I haven't come up with ideas. At any other time, I could have taken those ideas and run with them, at least creating a little something to let everyone know I'm not dead, even if it sucks ass. This time� nothing. I cleaned off the dining room table� nothing. I cleaned my bedroom� nothing. I got a new pan� nothing. I finished a book, went to a big dinner, threw out a bunch of junk� nothing, nothing, nothing. Have I quit talking? No. I'm still talking like I always do. I've just quit writing. And for some reason, the talking just isn't translating to the writing. I think this is what is called writer's block. But to have writer's block, don't I have to be a writer?

The fact that I'm writing about this problem does not mean it is over. It just reinforces that it is still very much in effect. Depending on your outlook, that could be good or bad.

I feel kind of bad that I've been so short on words. It's not that life is going along swimmingly otherwise. Typically, I don't write a lot when things in my lie are going well. I don't have many big problems right now. I have the whole weight struggle going on, and that's been a bit of a bear lately too. Other than that though, neither of the kids are really sick or in trouble. John has been quite pleasant. Counseling has been nearly boring. John and I are still playing our geek game. There are no vacation problems. The only thing that seems to have a problem is me.

My head is kind of messed up lately. I'm doing housework, and that in itself is pretty wild. But when you really look at it and see that I'm doing housework to avoid other things, it's not such a good thing. You know I'm really avoiding something when I do housework to avoid it. I thought I was doing better and feeling better, but then I took another downward turn, and I don't know if it's weather or just my messed up head. I mean, who has problems when there are no problems? Yes, me. Maybe I'm just so used to having to deal with crisis after crisis that I don't know what to do when there is no crisis. My only crisis of late is why I've been such a pig� and the fact that I'm woefully behind on email.

My stupid ISP sent a message to everyone a couple weeks ago, saying how much improved our email would be, but I have yet to see it. I still get messages sporadically, some coming through just fine while others sit on their server for God-knows-how-long. Sometimes I get tons of messages, other times nothing. I still get messages hours or even days after they were sent, and when I have trouble answering email as it is, that does not help me. I have yet to wade through some of the old emails that came through, but I did see that I got a super-sweet message from Jenistar and a request from Garbonzobean (that should be up tomorrow or Friday, dear). So I want to thank them in the most public place I have for being such great people, and I'm sorry for not getting off my butt (or on it, I guess) sooner and reading all my email. I don't deserve such love.

I just ran out of things to say again, so I suppose it's time I post this before I decide it sucks too much to bother.