It Just Keeps Getting Better

So here I am, pondering why I'm such a loser when Hammy comes home to reveal more problems at school. But it doesn't stop there. No, I come to find out this particular teacher (Math) accused me of not caring or participating. He said this to Hammy, no less, which is totally inappropriate whether I'm a shitty parent or not. That really bothers me, because though what he said hurts me, it really hurts Hammy. Taking pot shots at a kids' parents is simply mean and hateful. Besides, the man is wrong.

I have been completely distraught over Hammy's school situation, but I'm not just sitting around wringing my hands and wondering what went wrong. I'm doing something about it. Hammy's after-school routine is written out (typed actually) and given to him each day when he gets home. He goes through the list, checking things off as he does them. Then he brings it to me for review before he is allowed to watch TV, play with friends or use the computer. I also check his homework against his agenda, going so far as to check page numbers on assignments. John checks with him in the morning to make sure he has everything when he leaves for school. At my suggestion, Ham sees the guidance counselor each day after school to make sure he has all his books and papers when he comes home. Somehow though, Hammy is still forgetting his Math homeowrk or book sometimes while at school. What I am supposed to do about that is beyond me, but I guess that's enough that I "don't care."

This makes me unbelievably angry. This is the same teacher who, when John and I came in for a meeting with all of Hammy's teachers, basically shoved a progress report in our faces, said Ham needs to shape up and then walked off to some other appointment. Who's not caring here? From Hammy's story, this teacher is now holding Hammy to a higher standard than the other students too, taking credit off for any and all missed or late assignments or for forgetting his book. I believe that's called "kicking someone when he's down." Nice.

I don't fully believe Hammy either though. Today's "stolen" homework is another in a long line of "stolen" items: his band folder, two agendas, his locker lock. I think the stolen excuse has just replace the lost it or forgot it excuse, and it has the more pleasant ring of being someone else's fault instead of his own. All that aside though, I checked this particular piece of homework at home and signed Ham's agenda, and he took it to school where it then disappeared. This is where, I assume, the not caring comment came in, because it was tagged with this teacher saying I probably just signed the agenda without checking anything.

Once I found out about this particular comment, I tried calling the teacher, but he already left for the day. Drat! I was hoping to ride the wave of indignance. Now I'll have to dredge up some of that and a little courage to call tomorrow morning. I have to keep being outraged and not let my own or John's reasoning talk me out of it. Ham needs this, and I need to find out both sides of the story as well as put this man in his place. I might be a fat, lazy housewife, but I am not being lazy about my kid or his work. I'm not the best mom, but I am doing my best here, and that man is going to hear about it.

The number of times I thought "asshole" and "fucker" while I wrote this is quite remarkable. I would have taken a lot of space had I written them all. I'll refrain on the phone tomorrow too.

This is all so overwhelming for me. Hammy redeemed himself in Social Sutdies, bringing his F up to an A now. He's doing his homework better, seems happier, earned his privileges back and now this. It's such an uphil battle. I'm sure he's discouraged too. I feel bad for him, but someone has to get beyond pity and do something about this. He's not doing it, so I have to give him that kick in the butt. My foot's getting sore. It's times like these I just want to lock him up for a while. But since that's not possible or helpful (and sitting in jail probably wouldn't do anything for my stress level), that's out. I just have to keep dealing with it. Parenting really blows sometimes.

In general, I feel like I'm moving in an emotional down cycle, so this couldn't have come at a worse time. Well, that's probably not true, but it's still a pretty crappy time to happen. I'm feeling a little lost and confused in my life. There are some big changes that happened and another on the horizon. Then there's the whole emotional issue of weight loss. I've had family worries with my brother and his daughter being hospitalized. My marriage went through a huge trial. My heart freaked out on me. I cut caffeine out of my diet, cold turkey. Now John's quitting the band. Even the good changes add to the stress because it seems like my entire life is in flux. I have no steady ground right now. I even took away my old standby of using food for comfort. Thank goodness I can exercise again or I may have exploded. I think yoga was a very smart thing to start up again too. At least I'm finding little patches of calm in the turbulence.

I don't suspect I would be any less concerned if this happened in a less stressful time for me. It's just overwhelming, and I want to handle this in the best way possible. I hope I can do that right now.

Or not right now since I have to wait until tomorrow morning. I suppose I just have to make a plan and then let this go. I'm killing myself with worry, and that's not going to do anyone any good. Man, though. I was already feeling like a loser, thinking I'm a less than stellar mother being part of that. I didn't need this type of punctuation on that thought. Fucking Math. And to think I actually liked Math in school.