I gained the past couple days; something I did expect but still don't like. Of course, I would like to keep losing or at least stay the same. That may not be realistic though. What I definitely want to do is not go over 200 ever again. Right now, I go over with clothes or at the end of the day, and that's OK. One day soon, I won't even go over 200 then, but for now, staying under in the morning nearly naked is good enough.

I knew undereating was going to catch up with me. I truly haven't been purposely trying not to eat. I have been so busy, and my worry wasn't helping either. I feel more at ease now, and I have found my appetite returning. Now it's time to be careful, because in the past, this is when I went back to old habits. I want to break that cycle. Today I am going to be sure to eat enough and not get out of control. I have to make cookies for the band festival today, so that's my big challenge. The good thing about that is I can't eat a ton of cookies, because I have to have them for the band. I do have to go to the grocery store too, because we are way low on things and out of some. That doesn't make for good eating either.

It's a strength day, and I'm already putting that off. Yesterday was a day off exercise, and I was busy, so that was good. I'm back at it today, and I'm looking forward to that. I always do weights first though. I do better that way, plus I don't skip it if I do it before what I want to do.

Getting on the treadmill is about all I want to do today. I'm tired and overwhelmed. It's been busy the past few days, and I still have some unresolved feelings. I do feel better overall though. John seems a little better too, so that makes it easier. He's not on call this week anymore, and that should help.

He went for his med check yesterday and was going to discuss other medications. Even the increased dose of the other doesn't seem to have helped. It's up to him in the end. I'm not sure what came of his appointment. It definitely wasn't a long appointment, because he was home before I got back from picking up Booie from Girl Scouts. He hadn't left long before I did. I'd say it couldn't have been more than a half hour. I'll ask tonight. He should have band practice, but there will be time enough to find out if he switched.

I do wish John would open up with me more, but I haven't been someone he feels he can trust. I haven't been a very good listener. All I can do is show him he can talk to me without worry. I will listen more and offer input when he asks. I have to make him more comfortable with me, so he can talk to me like he can talk to Jim and to people he hasn't seen in twenty years. It really hurts that he can't be open with me. I want to do what I can to make it better.

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One Year Ago Today: