I hate when I have those "fake" weight losses. Once all the water or whatever stabilizes, and I go up a bit. It's very frustrating. I know I'm not perfect in how I do things, particularly eating, but I am doing well. I really hope I can get back to where I was last Sunday. I don't mind maintenance. I'd rather lose, but maintenance is still good after losing so much. I can handle a gain. I just don't want to. I'll keep going, keep working. That's important because I often get discouraged and give up or "take a break" that turns into giving up. But I'll handle whatever comes my way. Every week is not going to bring a huge loss. I've had some of my best success ever, so I'll take what I get and work for more.
I have been doing very well on calorie intake, though when and what I eat could use improvment. That's why I really need to get to the grocery store. We are out of lots of things, making it too easy to skip meals. I am very proud of myself for keeping track of what I eat for this long and keeping calories in a good range. Even with the problems, I'm eating much better too. This is a good foundation. If I can get a firm hold on these new habits, I will be able to get better and keep moving in the right direction.
I've been thinking more and more about being a trainer. That's another reason I work so hard and am so dedicated. I want to do this on my own, to prove to myself and everyone else that I can. I know one of my problems with anything I do is once I start, I don't like it as much as I though. I romanticize things too much, so when I actually do them and experience all aspects, not just the good ones, I don't like it so much. I've been thinking about that with training and looking at what the negatives would probably be. It can get tedious. I may be doing the same things day after day. There are going to be uncooperative people. I am going to have to be very giving of myself while also not letting people get to me. It can be frustrating and monotonous. And when I think about that, I still want to try.
I feel driven to help people through their weight and fitness issues. I can relate. Of course, first I have to overcome my own issues. I think I can and will do that, and then I can help others do the same. I want to focus on people with issues like I have, people who are afraid to go to the gym or work with a trainer, people who feel alone. I think I can understand more than people who have always been fit and haven't used food. I would do it for free. I've though about doing something until I am in a place where I can actually be a trainer. I just don't know how.
I am still working to get my own life in order. That is still my main focus--being a good wife, mom, and home manager. I am getting more involved in things. I'm finally reaching out rather than holing up at home. I don't criticize John or the kids like I did. I'm more positive with myself and everyone else. I have fallen back on the house stuff the past couple weeks, but I just see it as a temporary slump. I haven't overcome everything, but I am making progress, and I will continue.
I have focused mostly on weight and being more positive, and I have stuck to that. I am happier overall. I have more hope and ambition than ever. I feel good about myself. I have goals that don't feel forced. I'm not forcing anything, just taking it as it comes, adapting as I need. I still have lots of worries, but they don't consume me. I am doing better and will keep doing that.
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One Year Ago Today:
