I just copied this straight from my fitness journal. I haven't the energy to do more than one entry today, yet I felt I owed an entry here, since I've been neglecting the place for two weeks.

I did not look forward to today's workout though. I hadn't done this tape in a long time, and I was dreading it, but also, I just felt rather glum today. Even though the cloudy, yucky morning turned into a glorious afternoon of cloudless blue skies, I still feel blah. I hate my period. Hate it. The more I have to go through it, the more I hate it. I went through a phase where I accepted it as part of my womanhood and all that, but now I just want rid of it. I also didn't have such bad effects from it as I do now. Even without the wretched bloating like I was getting before I started working out faithfully, I am still exhausted, sleepy, irritable, and unfocused. Though it might sound like my usual demeanor, it is much more pronounced, which means I'm quite impossible. I have got to go see a GYN. It's on my list of things to do.

I always thought these things got easier with age until menopause when the real hell began. If menopause is worse, I might just have to have a happy accident. My menopause is sure to be a wonderous delight of agony, considering what joy my fertile years are turning out to be. I don't want to even imagine worse. I'm already spending too many hours in bed for 3-4 days a month. I want to eat everything in sight for at least 2 of those days. Sometimes I eat while in bed. No wonder I can't lose weight. At this rate, I'm working out just to keep from packing on extra pounds. Maybe all this misery means my ovaries are going out in a blaze of glory, and I can be done with fertility early. If I make it through menopause, that is. Or maybe it will be like the death of a star, and my fiery ovaries will just cause the rest of me to combust.

I think a bath is in order. It might give my family more remains to mourn than a smouldering pile of ash on the computer chair. Oh crap. I still have to do weights. At least I'll look dedicated to the end with a set of dumbbells lying on top of my smouldering pile of ash.

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