Why I Hate Instant Messaging Programs

I have a problem. I am completely cynical about people I don�t know who contact me through any type of messaging programs. I assume they are all serial killers, rapists, psychotics, or deviants (not that my moral code is all that regimented, but I won�t have affairs or multiple partners). I don�t believe people are who they say they are or look how their picture shows. I assume every man who contacts me just wants in my pants and that half the women are men posing as women to get me to talk to them and get in my pants. My pants are big, but I happen to fill them a little too well for anyone else to be in them.

I know it�s a little egotistical of me to think that way, but is it not true? Half the messages come right out and say I should either leave my husband to go with them or just to have sex with them. I had one guy message me five times asking why I didn�t fool around. The latest guy says he is going to find a way to steal me away. What, besides the fact that I have a picture up and not a very good one at that, makes these guys think I�m a good candidate? I say I�m married. I don�t list myself as a swinger or �married but looking�. I�m not on any dating pages. I don�t say I�m in couples counseling. Do I just look that needy, easy, or hungry? Could I look like the bearded lady at the circus and still get all these messages? Would they love me as much if I put up a picture of me in the morning with no make-up and my hair not done? Must I only have a vagina? It really has nothing to do with me. It has to do with my two X chromosomes.

I know there have to be other people out there like me, but I just assume that none of them ever contact me. I don�t contact anyone else. I don�t shuffle through profiles or interest groups to find friends. I have my ID available on my journal and give it out to friends and family. That�s it. I figure that�s probably all that other non-psychotic people do too. People like me don�t go looking for each other like that. But there�s a part of me that thinks I�m being too pessimistic.

It�s my skepticism that makes me delete messages, deny buddy requests, and a couple times, even Ctrl+Alt+Delete a program to avoid rejecting someone. John says I have an innate faith in the kindness of the human race, but if that�s so, why do I think anyone who sends me a random message has to be some kind of loser? Even if they aren�t losers, I don�t really want to bother. I can�t even manage to send my own mother regular emails. I don�t need to be adding Sally Stranger to my list of people with whom I don�t keep in contact.

Part of me is very curious though. The guy that messaged me five times only did so because I messaged him back. First I told him I am quite monogamously married. Second, I said that no really, I wasn�t interested in swinging. Third, I said that it certainly could not be my thing. Fourth, that I�m too jealous for that. These were all offline messages, so this happened over the course of several days. Who knows what might have happened if the guy had been on while I was. I don�t really want to think about it.

But I do wonder what�s up with some of these people and why they contact me. Sometimes I�m just feeling wicked and want to participate in a conversation as if I�m some kind of whacked out freak, but I haven�t ever done that. Once in a while, I get the feeling that someone is being genuine and really wants to make friends. Stalker fear always wins out though, and I never do more than send a brief message or two to anyone.

Sometimes it gets to the point where I�m annoyed every time I log on. I could remove my profile and picture, but I like to have it there for people I happen to know that might be looking for me. I don�t want to hide from everyone because of all the hormones and psychoses out there. They seem to come in waves, and I can�t log on for a couple weeks without getting a slue of messages trying to lure me from my husband. Then I go for several weeks, even a couple months with nothing. I sent a couple responses yesterday because I was bored and just plain fascinated by one. I�m just asking for it by doing that.

And ask for it, I did. Not only did I get a response back from the one by which I was not fascinated, but I could have had a naked picture too. Now if the guy�s profile picture were anything like what the naked picture would have been, well, it might not have been so bad, but I don�t need to be looking. I certainly don�t need to be egging anyone on either. I turned the guy down at least four times, like we would hook up from 600 miles away anyway, barring my marriage and loyalty and kids and morals and about a thousand other things. If nothing else, the guy gives me something about which to write. There�s a certain entertainment value to the whole thing too. I�m saving the conversations in case anything worth posting comes up.

Maybe I just don�t know how to really have fun, and that�s why I have this sense of dread every time I log on. To a certain degree, I believe people get what they deserve. It�s not like I�m leading anyone on or presenting myself as some kind of model. I�ve seen how other people torment the seemingly endless string of pervs asking for booby pictures. I�m not quick and clever enough to really mess with people like that. I probably shouldn�t play with fire. Curiosity did kill that poor kitty, after all.