Jumbled Mess
I don't know if that title is really about myself or the way this entry is going to look. Either way, it's appropriate. I can't even seem to type right today. I just made several mistakes in those first two sentences. This might be a short, jumbled entry.
This is the last day to get your own Hammy Mix CD. If you didn't see the entry, it's not selections by Hammy but selections by me of the stuff to which he and I listened when he was a wee one. It's noisy/industrial/techno-like stuff. Mostly anyway. I plan to send them out Friday. That will give me enough time to figure out a jewel case insert.
I'm tired and a bit cranky today. I haven't been getting enough sleep because John and I have been up much too late every night this week, and the dog gets up much too early in the morning to go out. Bad combo. Also adding to my negative mood is the fact I miss my kid. It's very strange having only one child, probably only because I'm used to two. If I always had one, I'm sure it would be no big thing. But since I do have two, I feel kind of lonely all the time without him.
A big contributing factor is I haven't had any contact with him in a whole week. I sit on IM hours at a time. I sent him email. My mom even called and talked to him on Sunday and told him to get a hold of me somehow. I keep thinking I should just call him, but I called him so much that first week, that I think he was getting annoyed with me. I figured I'd just wait to let him get a hold of me, and I get nothing. That makes me sad. I miss him so very much, and he has this other life going on that doesn't even have him thinking about me. This is why I hate it so much when he stays out there.
I just got a message from some guy in Lisbon. Strangers from Lisbon message me, but my son doesn't. Just imagine the biggest, loneliest sigh in the whole wide world coming from me right now.
Fortunately, I haven't been sitting around, sighing and sulking. I even managed to get four and a half more things crossed off my list of things to do and started on a sixth. The only reason for the half was because the call I had to make to the University of Pittsburgh required me to call back again for something else. I got transferred a couple times during the first call when I found out I am unable to apply through the College of General Studies, which admits just about anyone and doesn't have a limitation on accepting old college credits (some of mine are more than ten years old). I have to apply like your average transfer student because of the stupid major I chose. I couldn't be something ordinary. No, I have to choose a special major. Since I had all the paperwork filled out to go through the C of GS and none of the regular stuff, I have to start over. It could have been as easy as filling out an online application except that the page is not secure, and they ask for your social security number. It's not like anyone would want to jack my less-than-stellar-credit identity, but still. The page where you ask them to send an admissions packet is secure for God's sake. But that dumb page doesn't allow decrepit people like me to request information, because I graduated from high school before the year 2000, and that was a required field. I'm calling back today to have them send me a packet. What a mess. If I weren't determined to do this, I'd have given up by now.
I got to go to counseling by myself last night. John went himself last week. Most of my time was spent talking about how I'm going about getting into school, if I plan on going back to work, and answering questions she had about becoming a physical therapist. It was a very mild session really. No good dirt, though I do think she was surprised that I got the ball rolling so quickly once I decided what I want to do.
I still haven't done much of anything to get myself in shape, so I won't be the fattest athletic training student in the program. It's been so hot lately that it's hard for me to motivate myself to get out there and sweat like a racehorse. I think I somehow got a man's sweat glands when I was being put together. It's just not right. I think I have it in my head that I will wait until payday, at which time I can join a gym.
Gym memberships are always surprising successful for me. Many people join, go a few weeks or even days, and never go back again. I've always had the best success in my weight loss and fitness efforts when I join a gym, because I love going. I don't have a lot of the inhibitions that some other people have, like worrying about being the fat girl amongst a bunch of thong-wearing bunnies. In fact, seeing other people in good shape actually motivates me more, so where better to see plenty of people like that? I like having lots of equipment available to me and being able to do whatever fitness program I want to do. What worked before is likely to work again, isn't it?
Hammy finally just called me! Actually his dad called me, and then I talked to Ham afterward, but I still got to talk to him. We even linked through Netmeeting, and I got to see him. Yay! I think it made me miss him more though. The 9th cannot get here fast enough.
Good grief, it's 1:00 already, and I haven't done a thing. I'm still in my pajama top even. I have to get the place cleaned up for tomorrow. John is having his new, less ambitious version of a band over tomorrow night, and the singer is spending the night. I have sheets to wash and a house to clean.
Have you noticed how incredibly boring I am lately? Last year, I was training for the adventure race, which gave me all kinds of interesting fodder. I also had the Great Battle with Wells Fargo that plagued us for months. Maybe I was just as boring then, but it sure seems a lot more interesting than talking about how pitiful I am because I miss my kid and how disgusting my house is, though it's not even that disgusting, so I don't even have anything there.
Maybe life will get more interesting when I go back to school, if I can ever get this mess straightened out and get myself admitted amongst all the eighteen-year-olds. A thirty-three year old mom going back to school with a bunch of teenagers has got to be more interesting, doesn't it?
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One Year Ago Today:
